Heyyyyyy. So, I don't really have anything to say. But I do have a survey I found that I want to do. Weeeeeeee. XD I'm really out of it today. Probably because I'm doing a marathon of Heroes (LIKE ALL THE EPISODES. 77. HOLY SHIT.) with my mother. We have to break for sleep and her Soap Operas, but whatev. (Seriously, Young and the Restless is on right now and I ran to the computer to get away from it.) Go not having a job and a free month of netflix! WHOOP!

Okay, whatev. Here we go!

ARE YOU?

1. Perfect? Nope. :D
2. Tall? Nope, again.
3. In your pyjamas? Um, yes. DON'T JUDGE ME! I like sitting in my PJs all day and watching movies/TV shows
4. Left handed? HELLS YEAH! Only the best are. ;D

LAST:

1. Friend you saw: K and her J-Man
3. Person to text you: I think it was K or Twitter XD
4. Was today better than yesterday? Meh? I had a good breakfast today...

FAVORITES:

1. Number: 3! That's how I roll.
2. Color(s): Yellow. It's bright and awesome and is basically me in color form.
3. Fruit: Peaches! They are delicious!
4. Place: My house. :D

EIGHT EMOTIONS:

1. Are you missing someone right now? Kinda? I'm always missing someone. Like since I was three.
2. Are you happy? More or less.
3. Are you sad? Not really?
4. Are you bored? I will be when I finish this! :D
6. Are you nervous? Why would I be?
8. Are you tired? Nope! I woke up at a decent hour today! WHOOP!

ABOUT YOU:

1. Real name? Christin! I love my name.
2. Nick names? It was Yellow in high school. I've been called Chicken (don't ask) and K has me as Tadpoie in her phone. I'm also MissT to some of my XBox dudes. :D
3. Eye color? Brown. They have some gold flecks in them. I heart my eyes.
4. Zodiac sign? GEMINI! The sigh of MPD. Woot.
5. Male or female? Female, yo.
6. Slut? Nope. You'd have to have had sex with more than two guys for that.

7. Smart? Sometimes. ;D
8. Hair color? Brown. Aren't I exciting? I miss when I dyed it bright red.
9. Long or short? Short to my shoulders. It's getting longer. I need to cut it.
10. Sweats or Jeans? Jeans, because they have pockets and aren't too hot. :D
11. Phone or Camera? Phone, but only because my camera is so bulky. LOVE MY CAMERA THOUGH!
12. Drink or Smoke? I drink socially, but I smoke all day ery-day! It's bad for you.

FIRSTS:

1. First best friend? Meagan.
2. First crush? Cody D. in kindergarten. Also kinda had one on him in Senior Year, too. XD
3. First pet? I've had pets since I was breathing. I don't remember any of them before Mark the cat when I was like 7.
4. First big vacation? Panama City Beach! WOOT!

CURRENTLY:

1. Eating? Nothing at the moment.
2. Drinking? Water. D: I don't have any Diet Coke. Woe is me.
3. I'm about to: Light a cigarette. Yum. ;D
4. Listening to? My "Sequel Playlist on youtube. At the moment: We Are Young, by 3OH!3
5. Plans for today? Watch more Heroes. LOVE PETER AND NATHAN AND HIRO AND MOHINDER. Srsly, love them to death.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE GENDER?

1. Shorter or taller? Taller or my own height. Just my thing.
2. Romantic or spontaneous? Romantic, though spontaneous can be good too.
3. Sensitive or loud? Some nice middle between them. :D
4. Hook-up or relationship? I've had enough hook-ups. I'd like a relationship. :D

HAVE YOU EVER:

1. Drank bubbles? LMAO. No. I've tasted it, though.
2. Lost glasses/contacts? FOr like a minute or two.
3. Ran away from home? Nope. Never had a reason to. :D
4. Broken someone's heart? Not that I know of. Maybe Mike and Michael, but I doubt it.
5. Been arrested? Nope, but I got really close to it once. I am still scared of cops. lol.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

1. Miracles? Yes. :D
2. Yourself? Most of the time. :D
3. Heaven? Yes, I do. :D
4. Santa Claus? Nope. Funny story about that...
4. Love? Yes. I love my family, and my friends. I believe in all kinda of Love. :D
5. Do you like someone? Do my own fictional Characters count? XD haha. Then, no.
6. Do you believe in God? Yeppers.
7. Answered the truth on all questions? Yep. There's no reason to lie.

OKAY. Peace out people! :D

Love,
Christin Turdlock

Been a while, huh?

I woke up today, realized it was the last day of 2011 and got teary. This year, despite some downs and the distancing of some friends, has been pretty amazing.

I had my first job, I told off my father for the first time, I discovered how amazing COD is, I turned 21, I realized just how good of a friend Kaila was to me, and I finished my first book that could actually be edited enough to be published. :D

Sure, me and Chelsea aren't as close anymore, my grandmother died, and me and Courtney hgot close and then fell apart within a couple months. It wasn't a perfect year, but it was wonderful. Thinking about saying goodbye to it, makes me sad.

But, my sister got married, NaNoWriMo was amazing, and I got my XBox. It was just... Awesome.

I hope 2012 will be good. (I don't believe in that end of the world stuff.) Let's be amazing. :D

Love,
Christin Turdlock

XBox gamertag is MissTadpoie. Add me. :D

Life is fucking beautiful.

I usually pride myself on being understanding and emphasizing and just sympathizing with different emotions and situations. There's one thing, though, that I will never be able to understand, that I don't respect, that I think lowers a person as a human being in my eyes. That's suicide.

I know that people feel bad for people who commit suicide. People feel for them. I don't. I can't imagine why people would want to take that way out. I just can't. Maybe it's because my own mental illnesses were confined to attention disorders and very slight depression. I've never felt all that bad about things. Maybe that's why.

But life is so fucking beautiful. I don't know why people would want to die and go to hell, or go into nothingness (if you don't believe in the Christian ways and whatnot). I know the world can be so bad sometimes. I know that people can be evil and sadistic. I know that. I know that bad things can, and will most of the time, happen. Don't think I haven't had my share of bad experiences.

There's beauty here, guys. There's beauty in waking up and breathing. There's beauty in sunlight hitting the ground. There's beauty in the night sky with stars. There's beauty in the way people snap and yell and relieve something inside themselves. There's beauty in an over filled ash tray that no one really cares to empty. There's beauty in empty soda cans sprawled on floor of a dirty room. There's beauty in a little $400 trailer with holes in the floor, no power, no running water, and no heat in the winter.

There's beauty in tears cried for an absent father. There's beauty in sex with someone you don't know. There's beauty in shit.

There's beauty in getting past all of that, sitting back, and knowing you got through it.

I love my life. I never wish for something else in my past. I have never wished for it to end. Maybe it's me. Maybe I haven't had that bad of shit happen to me. I've never been raped. I've never been an addict (if you don't count cigarettes and Diet Coke). I've never lost a parent. I've never had a disease.

But guys, I've been on meds, I've had an absent father, I've lived in an trailer where I had to use the bathroom in a fucking bucket for almost a year.

What they hell is so bad that there is no other option than death? Tell me. Please, so I can understand why I should give you sympathy for taking something so precious away from the world before it was ready to let you go.

"No one would miss me." When had a suicide never been mourned? Don't worry, I'll wait...

Love,
Turdlock

P.S. I might sound like a bitch, but that's me. I feel these things. You can't understand me, like I can't understand you.

So, there's a thing that goes around FFnet that's got all these stereotypes on it. I even had it in my profile once upon a time back when I was still in school. You BOLD the ones that you are. I plan to do this, and also comment on as many of the stereotypes that I can. I may not be very nice, but it's mostly what I think. :D

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
Okay, so not true. My cousin had a baby, eats whatever she wants, and doesn't exercise beyond playing with her kid. She's 111lbs. *jealous*

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
No, but a lot of them do. Or write about it. Or sing about it. Or listen to stuff about it. At least back in my day, when Emo was actually... ya know, EMO. I'm ashamed to say I've written stuff about killing myself, though I'd never do it.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
No, but some do. With almost all the black hip hop artists today rapping and singing about being gansta and killing, why do we think that? I mean, that's ridiculous! Almost as ridiculous aa what some of the black people around the large city getto get into. I'll never let my little Nephew get into that shit. His father was a drug dealer and I'm not letting his have that influence.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
Ya know, I thought this stereo type was already dead and gone. Blond jokes are just funny. I think most of the ditsy blonds out there are ones that DYE their hair that way. On behalf of the stupid brunettes turned blonds out there, I'm very sorry.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
HAHA. I like Asian guys, but where is THIS from? Plus as a girl, wouldn't you want to be sexy? I've never actually heard of this, and Asian girls are more pretty than sexy to me. Hell, they sound like their being rapped when they're on porn.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
A stereotype from the long past. I thought we were over this stereotype YEARS ago. Like at least ten years ago. Back before I really understood what gay meant.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
Haven't heard of this. I haven't heard of a single lesbian with a sex tape. I've heard plenty of Het couples with them, but no lesbians. It's such a shame too.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
This stereotype is ridiculous. 'Nough said.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch/ass-hole.
No, but a lot of people who speak their mind don't know how to go about it and come off as a bitch. They can be insensitive to other's feelings and blurt out things better left unsaid. Though I do envy people who don't think over what they say twenty times before letting it come out of their mouth, like me.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
Not true. Rights for all people should happen. I have nothing against gays at all; I actually like them a lot.

I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
"Should" go to hell? No. Might go to hell? Yeah. Any Christian will tell you in the bible it says that another man cannot lay with another man, and as Christians the bible is like an old gospel song states our "Roadmap" telling us how to live and where to go with out lives. I'm not saying I want gays to go to hell, or that I think it's fair, but I am not God and I can't make that decision. I just try to love and be fair to everyone and not hate. There's not much else I can do, as I don't want to change anyone to something they're not.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
Refer to the above statement for myself, but I do know a lot of religious people like this. I know even more religious people who are nice, sweet and will just politely ask you if you'd like to go to church with them that Sunday. If you don't, then no big, but always know you're welcome. :)

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
It means you have mental problems. I took them in my high school days and I will never take them again, for they fucked my up. My mother takes them and I do not want to be around her when she doesn't as she gets overly emotional and gets mad at the littlest thing. My cousin needs them, but won't take them. Everyone's a little crazy. Hell, I know I'm crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I know this isn't true, but as a girl in the world I will tell you that a lot of guys around my age are not looking to settle down first thing in a relationship. If you expect it, you are bound to be disappointed. That's not to say that there's not some guys around my age looking for The One, but they are few and far between.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
This isn't true. One of my best friends was a cheerleader in middle school. BUT. Cheerleaders are most likely Popular. Which means they'll have lots of friends, which also means they'll more than likely have quite a few boyfriends, which can lead to them looking like a whore.

I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
What kinds of skirts? If they're long and conservative you'll more than likely look like a prude than a slut. Miniskirts? Then you probably don't care that they're calling you a slut, because if you're wearing miniskirt six days a week, we can safely say it's either really hot all the time, or you're trying to get male attention.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
No, you could totally be anti-drugs, but that doesn't mean a large chunk of the actual punks out there are anti-establishment, breaking rules, which can result in doing drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
Totally not true, but don't think this means that you can understand the poor. Seriously, unless you've been in your car, searching every inch for a nickle so you can actually get something to drink to share with the three other people in the car, one of who, is a three year old, who are also looking through their shit for change, because you haven't had a drink of anything all day then you really can't understand. Or if you've ever payed for something entirely in pennies, because you didn't have anything else. Or if you've ever lived on 75 dollars a week, with two kids.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
No, you could totally be a theater nerd too! ;)

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm not one of those girls, but I do know some. Most of those girls have been hurt, have been without money, and will take advantage of a guy who might end of breaking her heart just like all the others. They don't mean to, but the jerkoffs that they've been with have made them that way.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
Hell, we all know this isn't true. The majority of people nowadays are losing the V-card before their seventeenth birthday.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
No, the guy's also at fault, but that doesn't mean that you take none of the blame. I might be happy now that my mom caught my dad sleeping with my stepmother and kicked him out, and I might love my stepmother, who is a sweetheart, but NEVER think as a child I did not cry all the fucking time because I missed my Daddy. Think about that if you love a married man. Tell him if he loves you them he has to leave his wife before a relationship occurs. You'll know if he really loves you then. But will you even trust him? If he left his WIFE for you, then what are the chances he'll fall in love with someone else once you're with him? My dad has cheated on my stepmom too. If you're with a married man, then you obviously don't care about is wife. Have some control, because you can do better than a guy who's is with another woman.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
Slut? No. Irresponsible? Yes, as one point. There are exceptions, but I'm not aiming this at them. If you're going to have underage sexy be responsible about it, or just keep your fucking legs closed. My cousin got pregnant at 14. I love her and her baby so much, but that doesn't mean she wasn't irresponsible. She relied on the "pullout" method or just not caring. She'll tell you that herself.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
Yes. Yes you must. If you dye your hair crazy colors don't you want people to be like "I love your hair!" or "How did you do that?" I dyed my hair BRIGHT red at one point. I love the color and the way it looked on me and I wanted it to be noticed, because I liked it.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
My sister is a veggie and she'd not a political activist. Far from it. So is her husband and a lot of his friends.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
Are they fake or real? Lol, jk. I have 42DD boobs, (that are real) and I promise I'm not a hoe. Haha.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
LMAO. Posers. XD

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
If that's the stereotype Russians have then I want in on this. Yay.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
Yes. If you smoke weed everyday then something's wrong, and apparently you're not trying to fix it. Nothing wrong with smoking a little weed every now and then, but being a stoner is getting out of hand. Weed is a drug that messes with your mind. Stoner is kind of like an alcoholic, but not quite as bad.

I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I think I have a different idea of straight edge than these people.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
The two most questions I get asked on Xbox Live are "Are you a girl?" and then after I respond in the positive they ask "Are you fat?" It gets annoying after a bit. Teenage boys have no tact. At all.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
No like those things can also mean you're a redneck too. *thinks about her family*

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
LMAO. Really? I think we're getting Punk mixed up with other things. Watch SLC Punk guys. Srsly.

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
Didn't we already go over this?

I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
No, but I did think that the Goths at my school were a bit creepy, back in the day. XD

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
Haha. I think that makes you human, bro.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
Sometimes, yes. I'm overweight and I can say for certain that I don't have the control to go on a diet. But mostly that's just because I don't want to. :)

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
Yes, I bolded it. I can be young at 21! But yes, you are naive if you're young. You can have as much knowledge as you want, but you're not an adult with adult hormones.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
Um, yeah, if does. I'ma pussy.

I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
Hehe. I think most people wish they could fit in with everyone.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. (sad but true)
Or disrespectful. Or an idiot. I get those sometimes. :)

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch/ass-hole.
No, but you might be just a bitch. A little less anger people, and little more calm negotiating.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
When my hair gets greaset it's either been a hot day or I've forgotten to shower that day. Forgetting to shower is a lack of hygenie skill. Guess what that leads too.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
No, but you are worried about whatever you're defensive about and suspect that you are what they are telling you you are.

I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself
Okay. Where did THIS one come from?? I don't know ANY former Prostitutes, or current ones. Is this a huge thing somewhere else?

I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
We've been over this.

I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
Oh come on fangirls. We are!

I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
Well, yeah. I mean, we're watching other people have sex. If that's not perverted I don't know what is. We're humans though.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
Well, it's not true, but we aren't doing much to dissuade the world of this, are we?

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
Well, some are. I was when I was starting out. My friend wasn't though. :D

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
This is my favorite one. Love.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
No, but you might be a little on the insane side.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
Well, guys maybe us white people should stop acting so arrogant then. As one of the largest races we should be responsible for more than others.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
No, but there's a high chance it is. All my OC character are checked over and over and questioned so much to make sure I'm not going there. Not a lot of people do this.

I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
Who doesn't disagree with their government.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
Yaoi is written by straight girls for straight girls. I think it's safe to say that it means your gay if you like it.

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
Yes, you must. It's human nature, so quite crying about it.

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I am childish.

I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
Not true. There was a girl in my high school that was a goth, who posted bulletins on Myspace all the time that were really depressing. I was out of my depression phase, so I sent her a message that said something like "All your bulletins make me sad. It's okay. Smile a little, the world's not so bad." She didn't reply back and I didn't talk to her any after that. Then a few months later graduation came and she can right up and gave me the biggest hug ever and walked away. It was sweet. :)

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to Renaissance Fairs, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
While I know this is not true, I do know a guy that does this. He's my sisters friend. At her wedding party we were trying to get in the cab and all of us were pretty drunk and the guy was just standing outside flirting with a clearly straight guy. My sister screams "COERY HE'S NOT GAY! GET IN THE CAB!" The way she acted clearly stated this was a regular thing for him to do.

I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
Well, I don't have one right now, without a job, but I did have one. Promise. </i>

I an friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
Well, yeah, kind of. Not always true, but most of the time yes. If you don't talk about you're personal life with friends than there's somethign going on that you don't want them do know. Most of the time it's problems.


I just really wanted to go through and make a commentary of some of these stereotypes. Cause some of them are rediculous and others are there for a reason and more still are true only half the time. I just think it's ridiculous.

Love,
Turdlock

First. I have a XBox gamertag. I'm MissTadpoie. If you play COD:Black Ops or Full House Poker add me and play with me. :D It'd be fun. Yay.

Okay. Onto other things. Like a survey!

Hogwarts House: Slytherin of Hufflepuff. But probably Slytherin.

Favorite Gryffindor: If we don't count Harry it would be Neville. Hands down.

Favorite Hufflepuff: Cedric. :D Or Tonks. Yeah, probably Tonks.

Favorite Ravenclaw: Luna. :D Of course.

Favorite Slytherin: Draco, duh. Or Theodore Nott. But that's just from FanFictions. lol.

Favorite Marauder: Remus. :D

Favorite Member of the Golden Trio: Harry. :D But Ron would be second.

Favorite Black: Sirius I guess.

Favorite Weasley: I think it would be Arthur THE Weasley. Lol.

Favorite Hogwarts Teacher: Severus! Of course. :D

Favorite Member of the Order of the Phoenix: Hmmm... James Potter. XD haha. Snape probably, but I already said him and Tonks and Remus.

Favorite Death Eater: Draco or Regulus. :D Cause I love me some of them.

Favorite Leader: Dumbledore. Totally.

Least Favorite Gryffindor: Hmmmmmm.... Pavarti Patil?

Least Favorite Hufflepuff: Zacharias Smith. Or Ernie. Cause He's annoying. *shrug*

Least Favorite Ravenclaw: Cho Chang. The Depressed One.

Least Favorite Slytherin: Crabbe. He was totally TOO stupid. Lets let loose fiend fire in a huge room full of flammable junk. Idiot.

Least Favorite Marauder: Peter Pettigrew. Did you really expect anyone else?

Least Favorite Member of the Golden Trio: I guess Hermione. But that's just because I like Ron more.

Least Favorite Black: Sirius's Mom.

Lease Favorite Weasley: I really don't know. I guess Ginny or Charlie? I love them all!!

Least Favorite Hogwarts Teacher: Umbridge. Hands down. Biatch.

Least Favorite Member of the Order of the Phoenix: Does Peter count again? haha. Maybe that Diggle guy? I don't know.

Least Favorite Death Eater: Does Voldemort himself count? Or maybe like that dude who killed Remus and Tonks and the Prewett Twins.

Least Favorite Leader: Fudge. Or Voldemort. Hard to decide on that one.

Okay, guys (no one reads this, but what-the-fuck-ever), I got an Xbox 360! I'm also on Xbox live and I have Call of Duty: Black Ops. :D It's super fun. Srsly. So, if someone stumbles upon this my gamertage is MissTadpoie. Hit me up.

In other news... 21 in SEVEN DAYS BITCHES! WOOTTTTT! Guess who's going to a bar on karaoke night and getting wastedddddd! My sister and her friends are going with me and my sister says her friends will buy me a bunch of drinks. I just hope they don't let me do karaoke once I get too drunk. XD Oh, they will. I know Ashley. XD

Okay, see ya!

Love,
Turdlock.

So, I'm not a teen anymore. I'm 20 years old, almost 21 and I'm considered an adult, and I feel mostly like one now. I have a bit of a problem.

I cuss. I'm not going to lie, I do say damn a lot, and shit occasionally comes into my speech, and when I'm with certain people the world Fuck will pop up sometimes, and I'm known for using the word bitch sometimes. If I'm around people I don't want to cuss in front of I will censor myself (Fuge, Frickin, Eff, Darnit, Shiz, crap, biatch, p-ed me o-ed (that's my own little made up one)). And when I was a teenager, I cussed even more. I did.

When I wrote stories when I was a teen my characters cussed a lot. I know now they cussed much more than they should. The problem I'm having is how much should I let my characters cuss? I'm not talking about in my adult fictions. I'm talking about in my YA fictions. I'm writing a story about a seventeen year old girl going into senior year of high school and she's a popular girl who will get into fights and will knock anyone down if they so much as look at her or her siblings the wrong way.

I'm iffy on deciding how much for her to cuss. She will cuss, but I'm wondering how much she should. The world Slut and Whore is going to go around because that's the normal derogatory language towards young girls that they use on each other (I should know) but I'm wondering how far is too far?

Gah, I'm confused. I think I know what I should do, but at the same time I don't want to seem unrealistic. Stupid YA novels. They suck.

I don't think my little realizes how fucking jealous of her I am sometimes. I don't think my father knows how much I care about my Nana sometimes. I just don't think they know. I really don't. I don't think my Nana knows that I want the times she spends with others to be spent with me too.

So, my sister's birthday was in February. I went with her to the movies and then out to the mall to get her nails done. I can't get them myself, because my job won't let my have nail polish of fake nails, so I kinda hug with her while she was getting them done and just kinda telling them what she wanted, since I'm the nail expert out of the two of us. I knew the lingo. XD haha.

I wanted to know if she had got them done before, cause I'm like that, and I just wanted to know. I really shouldn't have asked. If I knew that months later it would still bother me I really wouldn't have wanted to know.

She says. "Yeah I got them done in Georgia with Nana and Aunt Marie. It was so fun. Me and Aunt Marie kept laughing because we couldn't understand the people doing out toes."

I was like. "That would have been so fun. I wish I could have gone."

Kim: "Yeah."

Fuck. I mean, it doesn't seem like a big thing, and really, I guess it's not, but it really hurts me. It still does.

I remember back when I was... oh, about 13. I was with Nana, Daddy, Aunt Marie, Sable, and Judy and Nana and Sable went and got their nails done. I had never done this before and I remember watching them enviously as they got out of the car and went into the nail place. I didn't say anything, because I wasn't even about to ask for something they would have easily said no to (though I know Kimberly would have said something, she's like that). I was so envious that my Nana and the cousin I've always felt inferior to went and did something so girly together. I wanted that so bad. But never, NEVER has my Nana or my Aunt Marie ever did something like that with me. But they do it with Kimberly?

Is it that they think I wouldn't like something like that? When have I ever shown them I didn't like that stuff. Is it that they just never had the chance? I mean, that's a pretty good option, but it just doesn't add up. Is is that since they don't like my mom they just like me less than Sable and Kimberly, and don't actually want to do that with me? I mean, I know it can't be true, but that's what it makes me feel like. I've always had that fear, and they just keep reinforcing it. Am I not a good granddaughter? Is that it?

I love my Nana, and I love my Aunt Marie. They are wonderful, really. I just... I've never felt like I've lived up to their expectations, and it hurts.

Fuck. I can't be their frickin' ideal granddaughter and niece and go to a good college and join a sorority and get guys all the time and not be a frickin goody good. Fuck it. I have people who care about me and will laugh with me and do girly things with me and make me feel like I'm a normal fucking person. I don't need them to do. But I want them to do it. Is it too much to ask? Fuck it.

Kim just doesn't know how much I wish I had that relationship with them. But I'm too scared to disappoint them, so I just stay quiet. FUCK.

:( Sorry about the rant. Just no one I can really talk to at the moment. It's like 2am.

Love,
Turdlock.

P.S. I'm super weird sometimes, but I'm a normal fucking woman. Fuck you.

Love you.

Reading. No doubt. It was the Harry Potter books, actually. I remember I had finally read the third book, and then went and read all the way through, for the first time, my Chamber of Secrets book. I took that time to go on the internet and order books four, five, and six. The wait was too long. haha. I was out of school (right after junior year, about two-ish months before Book Seven come out) and I spent three, almost four, days reading Four, Five, and Six. Seriously. Reading book Five I didn't even sleep. I read it all over night and the day after. I forced myself to take a nap before I started in on book Six. Haha.

So, yes, reading. I may be easily distracted with everything else, but if you give me a good book, I won't stop for anything.

:D

If you're going to delete a story, please give people warnings. I was reading this story called "Ending the War with a Book" and I was really into it. I was watching for it to be updated and I was really looking forward to when ever it was updated. It was the standard "Harry and Co. Read the books" but it was actually believable. It was well written and it wasn't one of those that you felt you had to poke out your eyes.

But I just tried to go to it a second ago and the girl deleted it. I can't remember her name and it makes me sad. :( It was a gem in the mindless piles of crap.

Dang it, people should at least give their readers some warning.

"The Intertubes Are Clogged" was the same way. I really liked that story, but the person deleted it, and I can't find it or the person who put it up. It makes me sad.

Dang people.

:(
Tadpoie

Ashley Rocks. Or, as it was later named, Mt. Knowmore.

It was a game me and my sister played. Sadly, she was better at it than I was, but I didn't pay attention to much when I was a kid and my sister is seven years older than me. :D

What is Ashley Rocks you ask? Well it was a game me and my sister played. She made it up herself, but she may have gotten it from something else. I don't know, I was little.

Each person would get a piece of paper (or a chalk board) and you would write your favorite things on it.

Example:
Favorite drink:
1. Diet Coke,
2. Tomato Juice,
3. Mountain Dew Baja Blast.

And then you would guess what the other person would put.

Example:
Ashley's Favorite Drink:
1. Sprite
2. Water
3. Orange Kool-aid.

And then, once you had written down answers and guesses on all of the categories (ex. Fav Food, Fav Movie, Fav T.V. show, Fav Singer, fav Actress, Fav actor, Fav Car, etc.) then you would compare. Who ever got the most right, won.

I played this game with my sister, Ashley (hence the name of the game) all the time when I was a kid. It was fun and got us through a lot of boring times. :D

Also, the other game I played while I was a kid, was Super Mario World, with my sister. I still think of that game every time I hear a song from Nelly F.'s first CD. I was totally always Luigi, who is awesome.

There was a lack of regular childhood games in my childhood, mostly because I didn't have that many friends in the old days and my sister was too old and "cool" to stoop to playing hide and go seek, or anything of that nature. :D

There are very few people and places I can talk about this to/at. One of them is Chelsea and the other is here. There are no other people I would feel completely comfortable telling, and know that when I told them they would answer in a way that would actually make me feel better and not steer the conversation to themselves or just not know what to say.

I hope so hard that I never get Alzheimer's. I hope even harder that my mom never gets it.

Two of my mammaws have it. It's been years since I've seen my Mammaw Dorthy. The last time I saw her, her sight had gone, but she was still the sweet, dignified woman who I've always looked up to. She was like all the things my Nana tried to be, but better. She was high class, without being stuck up. She was down to earth. As a little girl, I wanted to be like her (just more willing to give my granddaughters toys instead of clothes). I heard that she had Alzheimer's and didn't even know her sons anymore. It was saddening, and my mother and I had been meaning to visit her for a while, but we haven't had a real chance to. I miss her.

My Mammaw Gladys has it. I don't care how much my mom says it is just a nervous break down. It seems only me, Clay (my step-grandfather), and my sister really see the truth that she has. She still remembers us most of the time, but a lot of the time she doesn't even realize where she lives. She'll break down crying sometimes want to go home in the middle of her living room. It's sad. I was partially raise by my Mammaw Gladys. Since my childhood memory is truly horrible, I only remember some of it, but Mammaw Gladys has always been a little out there to me. She'd tell me bed time stories that were three of four stories that were mixed together and wouldn't really make any sense. I don't know if that means she was a bit slow, or if she was showing small signs of Alzheimer's even then, when I was little. I love her so much.

My Mammaw Dorthy is dieing. Not, she's got a couple months left dieing, but literally, "she might not be here tomorrow" dieing. Despite her not being blood related to me, I still see her as my Mammaw.

Two people of close relation to me have died when I was old enough to really grasp the reality of it. But those will not prepare me for when Mammaw Dorthy goes on. Daniel (my stepfather) died in the house, slightly unexpectedly, while I was in my room playing Kingdom Hearts (I will never be able to build gummy ships in the middle of the night again). It is a horrible memory for me, but not how you would expect it to be. I cared for Daniel a little, but I didn't really know him, even after living with him for a couple years. Mostly I didn't really like him all that much, and I just stayed in my room. So, my feelings about his passing were more about how everyone else felt. I felt saddened because of my mother grieving for her husband, and my sister grieving for a man she kind of liked.

The other who died was my Papaw Russell. Now this is a bit complicated. I loved my Papaw, do not misunderstand me. He was strict, and seemed intimidating to me, even when I was older, but I still loved him. What I didn't like was the way he extremely disliked my mother. I didn't like that I never seemed to get his full approval. I hated that he was abusive to my father and my aunt. My father thought my Papaw could do no wrong, but my mother told me about how he treated my father, while my father told me how he was "disciplined" and though his voice was casual, I will never forgive him for building my father into the person he is today. I love my father, and now that I am older, I wouldn't have him any other way, but I have to say I think it was an act of God that my father never had any male children. I could be wrong, and my Daddy probably would have treated my non-existent little brothers like the sun shone out of their asses, but I have a cold gut feeling that my father would have been even harder on them, than he is on my little sisters. Kim is a good daughter (mostly) and makes almost straight A's, but if there is so much as a C he will bring her down with "I know you can do better than this. I don't care that this is a junior level math class, and you're only in eighth grade, you should be making A's. My daughter is smarter than that, and you're not acting like my daughter." It doesn't sound SO bad when you read it like that, but when you're sitting with your father and little sister and she's sobbing about a fucking C in a math class you didn't even take when you were a senior, and hear your father speaking like that just makes you... So, yeah, I'm glad in a sad way I don't have any little brothers. That's what my Papaw made my father.

I love my Papaw. Don't get me wrong here. When I heard he had died, I cried. I cried hard. But then I let go of my grief, since I'm not one to hold onto emotions like that for long. At the funeral I was furious. I mean, I have never felt so fucking angry. My father starts leaning over the coffin, sobbing harder than I have ever seen before. (It's hard seeing the tough man that my father is sobbing like a little boy) I walked out of the room into the bathroom where I cried for my father in fury. Did my papaw deserve that kind of tribute? That kind of emotion? He beat my dad for not straightening the clothes in his drawers. Bruised my Aunt's legs so bad she had to soak in a hot bathtub because of something stupid. I miss my Papaw only a little bit. I miss him in a vague way I miss being friends with some of my high school pals.

I don't think many people will understand my apathy toward their deaths. It makes me a bit sad that I don't feel as much as my sister (about Daniel) or my father (about my papaw).

I don't think it'll be this way with Mammaw Dorthy. I really don't. I will feel sad, because she was a huge part of my younger life. But in a way it's already as if she had died, because I haven't seen her in so long. It will hurt, but it will be a dull hurt.

And now I get to what I really want to say. I seriously don't think my Mamaw Gladys has much longer. She's getting frailer everyday and she won't eat much anymore. I don't know how Clay will take it. I have no clue how my mother will take it and that scares me just as much as Mammaw dieing. I'm scared. I think me and Clay are the only ones who can sense it's not going to be much longer. My mom probably doesn't want to think about it, and Ashley, my sister, just doesn't see her enough, and doesn't like to think about Mammaw sick anyway. It will hurt them so much. I know I'll hurt a lot, but I'm trying to prepare myself. I don't want to say anything about it to my mom, because I don't know how she'll react and I don't want to hurt her.

I think about it sometimes. About what will happen after she's gone. I think about how Angie (Chelsea's mom) will react to it, and my Uncle Roger. I think about them because of how much they never see her, but act as if they love her with all their hearts. I can see them now, and I wonder if, being one of the ones who will get through this strongly (I hope), if I'll tell them off. I don't think I would, but you never know. I think about the debt that Mammaw will leave behind and wonder how we will be able to survive it.

I also think about her being gone and it hurts. Not as much as thinking about Mom someday passing, but I don't think anything can compare to that. I wonder if I'll be strong enough for Momma. I hope I can be.

While I can think of it objectively, there's a little girl inside of me scared to death about it. Scared of not having Mamaw Gladys anymore, and having to support Momma through it, and having to help Ashley, her big sister, be strong. I hope I can be as strong as Aunt Marie was during my Papaw's funeral. I hope I can take her advice: "You have to be strong for them. They need you." Maybe my Aunt Marie could see that I cared more for my father's pain that my grandfather's death. Or maybe she could see I was old enough and distant enough to be a rock for the people who were too close. I'd like to think that. I really would.

Sorry about the rambling. I just needed to get all of this off my chest, where it has been sitting for at least a year. It's not friends only, because maybe someone will stumble onto this and give me a little impartial advice. Or just read it, so I know someone's listening, or could be listening. It helps a bit.

Love,
Christin Turdlock

P.S. I wish I could read a good fanfiction without having to wade though the shit that's out there. Woe is me.

Okay, I really want to come on here and just start talking about the crazy ass stuff that has happened to me less than 24 hours ago, but I can't. Because I'm not that stupid. :D

but srsly God pulled through for me. Mmhmm.

But, in other news, I joined a Non/Disney video RP as Proteus from Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas. It's pretty awesome that I made it through the auditions. :D

Now, I'm going to mentally pass out with fanfiction and facebook. Go me!

And, I'm more religious than I was, but I'm not really any different. I just figured I'd show some love to the lord, since I'm been so frickin' happy for the last year-ish.

I'm still that cursing slash fangirl, we all know and love. :D

Hmm... I'm feeling angsty and I don't know what to do about it.

Haha, I should learn to never re-read my old journal entries, because it'll just bring my mood down. Can you believe I was laughing so hard just like 20 minutes ago? XD

So... Yeah, it just makes me feel better to just get on livejournal and type sometimes.

OH! I can actually type important life news right now!

I got a job! Finally, right? I'm a bakery/deli helper. I can slice meat and cheese and I can label crap to my heart content (and then label even more). XD haha. I was totally making spinach dip for selling and I seriously almost puked into the bowl. It smelled so horrible to me. It looked okay, but it smelled... ick. It must have been to me like how it is for pregnant women who smell something that hits them the wrong way.

My sister's is turning 16 next month. How crazy is that? That's older than I was when I started my livejournal! Shit man. Shit.

I think I'm going to go read fanfiction. Cause that's what usually calms me down. I just wish Will of Foxfire has updated. :( Man.

Okay, that's all. I think.

Peace out!
Christin

Let's get the personal stuff out of the way before going on to why I wanted to post in the first place.

One: It is highly likely that I'm getting a job as a deli/bakery helper. *excited*

Two: I have CIGARETTES, DIET COKE, and HOT POCKETS! Bow before me!

Okay. Now onto the important things. ;)

Fucking Harry Potter.

I wish (I don't know if people realize how much I wish) I had been a fan of HP long before I actually was. I mean, I got Chamber of Secrets when I was like 9 years old, read two chapters and thought it was boring. I spent the time up until I was almost 17 thinking HP was stupid. I did. I watched the movies and liked them, but I thought the books would be boring and just bleh. Even when I got into reading I still didn't think HP was all that big of a deal.

I kinda hate myself for that. I see all these things from before some of the books came out about people speculating, or I hear about how people waited and waited for the next book and I'm so jealous. I wish I could have been on that journey. I wish I could have been a fan when Harry Potter was still going strong. I came into the fandom a few months before the last book was going to come out.

I'm an idiot. I'm such a huge fan, but there's almost nothing for me. There's fanfiction, but the last movies are coming out and what's left? It's like there's this HUGE party that goes one from 10pm to 6am and I came in a 4am. I'm that person that comes in late and while everyone getting sober or has just stopped drinking and starts drinking then. Everyone's sober and beginning to leave and I'm still trying to get everyone to dance, while I'm drunk. That's how I feel. Like I'm that person at a party that just makes you shake your head and be like "Dude, it's over, people are either gone or passed out." And I know how that feels. ;)

So, yeah. I love HP. It's amazing wonderful and there's not going to be anything like that again. I hope there might be and I can catch it before it goes away, but who knows. Twilight ruined me. I was a fan right as New Moon came out and the fans kinda got me to be like "Gah, I almost hate this book." Cause, really, Twilight isn't perfection. But the haters are idiotic too. It isn't perfection, but it's not shit either. Gah.

Okay, that's it. Promise.

I'm ALMOST annoyed! ;) I'ma Hufflepuff.

Love,
Turdlock

If you know me you know I want a kid someday. Actually if you kind of know me you know I at least want three of the little hellions. :D Hopefully more girls than boys, but I'm not too picky. :D I seriously wouldn't mind coming out of it like the Weasley family. I am really telling the truth. No lie.

But as much as I want a kid, and have moments of being like "I want a kid right nowwwww." I've never really felt the need to act on it. Cause, well, I'm jobless, living with my mother, and without a man. I also want to live it up without worrying about a child right now. I'm not even 21 yet and I want to make this time count before I start myself towards becoming a baby factory. Give me time to party hardy and then I'll take off my shoes, get knocked up, and go into the kitchen to make some sandwiches. I really don't think I'd mind as long as I could write and go on the internet. I'll breed all ya want. ;D

But, like I said, I've never had the huge urge to act on it.

I did an hour ago. I had just gotten out of the shower and I was warming myself by our heater and just letting my mind wonder. I was thinking about Chelsea when she wants to could maybe drop off Killer Bee and I could baby sit him before I actually get a job. And then I was thinking she'd have to bring all his baby stuff, since we're not really baby equipped here.

And then I got this urge that seriously almost made me bend over. I saw it all in my head, the living room and kitchen just the way it was, but with a couple new additions, and a fridge full of baby supplies and bottles in the sink, and a little baby in the living room laying on my mom's chest as she watched TV.

And I seriously, almost took a step away from the heater towards the door. That's how strong the urge was to go and get myself knocked up. In my PJs, with my hair wrapped up in the a pink towel, while there's a foot of snow outside, looking around for a babydaddy.

That's when I was like, Christin, don't be a douche, you know you don't want a kid right now.

And I don't. So, now I'm still my same self that wants to start breeding by the time I'm at least 24 or 25, and spend the rest of my time enjoying not being a mother, because after I have a kid I'll always be a mother, no matter what. :D But you really don't have to worry about me. As long as I don't get that urge again while drunk and with a guy no one has to worry about me getting pregnant. :D Woot.

Love,
Turdlock

I just came to a realization a second ago, and I just couldn't let it go and go on with what I was doing beforehand. And I can't call anyone to talk about it because One: It's 4 in the morning and Two: Because I really don't think anyone, except Kaila, would understand, and even then, it's not a huge important realization to other people, though it kinda is to me.

I hate lies. Now, I've been saying this for years; me hating lies isn't something new. In fact it's very old idea. Probably since around fifth grade I've hated them. One of the closest people in my life lied to me constantly, and I hated it. I've learned to hate it.

It's not that I haven't lied myself. Come on, I've lied time and time again to people. Most often to cover up that fact that I disagree with something, or trying not to hurt someone's feelings. "That was a crappy thing for her to do. I don't know why she's doing it." or "Yeah, that was great!" -_-

But until tonight I never realized that hating lies is making a larger impact on my life than I ever thought it would. Things I might have really been interested in had I not had this hate, are unappealing to me.

This realization came to me while I was reading fanfiction. (ain't I always reading it?) There's a plot device that's used SO MUCH where there is a misunderstanding. Person A loves Person B, while B loves them back. B has a secret and doesn't trust A with it. A finds out and feels betrayed by B, while B is heartbroken. A refuses to listen to B's explanation and Person C has to do something to make A see the light. B then says sorry and then happy ending.

Well B shouldn't have kept the fucking secret if they knew that A loved them so mother fucking much. And A shouldn't have gotten so fucking pissed at B, because B is a fragile fuck. A should listen to B and then be pissed, if they still want to. Fuck.

See, I have a feeling that if I hadn't been so used to being lied to and hating it, I might like this plot device. I've seen it in so many different forms that by now I know when it's going to happen and I loose a bit of love for the characters that the story has given me.

I get pissed at B because they lied in the first place. Then I get extremely pissed at A for fueling the misconception that they were so hurt with in the first place.

It also comes across in my writing. I was always wondering why my characters talked so much. Why they just spilled shit. Why I could never write them lying subtly. Why I could never really use that overused plot device. Now I do see why.

And I'm fucking pissed at that. So. Fucking. Pissed. I don't even mind that that person lied to me all these years. I mind that it effected the one thing in my life that I cherish almost more than anything. The only constant in my life is my writing, and now I realize something that was just a teenage angst is holding me back from fully appreciating it. From fully dipping into it.

It hurts. It really, really hurts.

That person spilled lies to me over and over again while I just laughed with them, knowing that person was untruthful to me. Being that person's friend, and loving them anyway despite all the shit. Sticking up for them against the people who truly cared and never lied like that too me. How dare they mess my writing up! How dare they mess with one of the only things I'm proud of myself for! How fucking DARE THEY!!

If one day that person tells me the truth I don't know what I'll do. I can't trust them with anything they say, but I've already known that for years. I think it wouldn't make a difference. It may even make me even more pissed at them.

I'll regret getting this mad later, but if you're the person that lied to me constantly, and you read this: Fuck. You.

Love,
Christin

P.S. I feel I've gotten more mature in my angsty rants. Is that a good thing?

Not friends only because I'm in a pissy mood.

Today I got to watch the newest HP movie. (I'm considering calling it Deathly and the next part/movie Hallows, just to be witty. And I think it's hilarious.) I went with Kaila, her sister, her mom, her friend Allen and his wife. Besides two older people (about 50 years old or so) we were the only ones in the theater, which gave me and Kaila talking privileges, which was a big mistake. (I'm sure Allen, who sat beside me, while Kaila was on the end, hated us for talking so much.) Why was that a mistake? Here's how one of our first little comments went:

Movie shows "Imperioed" soon-to-be minister nervous with Nagini in the back ground.
ME: *muttering* Oh, hey. Nagini.
KAILA: *whispering as the dude* There's a snake over there.
ME: *bursts into barely muffled cackles*
KAILA: *follows me into a fit*

Yeah, things like this, mutterings from me to Kaila about crack pairings, mocking awkward lines, "awwwww"s, and other things followed the rest of the movie. It was super fun, and just made me enjoy the movie more.

I won't go over everything in the movie, because I can't remember names that well, and well, I can never remember things that well. XD I'll have to watch it again sometime. I just wantto go over the things that stood out to me, good or bad.

Where the hell did the Dudley goodbye scene go? Out of everything that got left out or added in, I think that's what disappointed me the most. Because I actually like Dudley, once I knew he wasn't an asshat, you know? They didn't even make him seem sad or anything. He even said one of VERNON'S lines! "Why do we have to leave?" not even a "Why is Harry staying here?" in a worried-ish type voice? Why must they do this to me? Dudley's departing was one of my favorite scenes in the book! He needs a little redemption, and we won't be seeing the Dursley family anytime soon, if at all. :( At least they had Petunia look "sad" which tugged at my heart. :D

Oh, Bill! I loved his little part! I imagined him with longer hair (up in low pony tail, cause I don't think he had one) and with more jewlry (like the earring) but I don't know if I just didn't see it. I do things like that.

The whole MultiHarry thing got to me. Laughed to hard at Harry in a dress. Dan is a better actor than I gave him credit for.

The Malfoy Manor (first one with Snape) scene was awesome. Poor Charity (I actually remembered her name!) And Voldie breaking Lucius's pimpwand was great. I laughed at him. *points and laughs some more* For the little part he played Snape just... Ohhh, I love him! I can not wait (even though I'll hate to see it) for his part in the Hallows. Cause I'm going to cry so hard at that part, and I just want to SEE him get his redemption.

Fred and George! Love them and they're humor, especially George during the HG kiss scene. It was a little anti Climatic that kiss. Meh.

*George is laying on the sofa bleeding*
KAILA: Is he dead?
ME: No, that's Fred later.
KAILA and ME: *Laughs* ... Awwww *sad faces*

Griwald place and everything that went on there was amazing! :D

*Dumbledor Illusion rushs The Trio*
KAILA: Haha... Awww, just think of Snape coming back there and seeing Dumbledor and breaking down into tears. *sad face*
ME: *snorts, but a second later imagines it and gets a supersad* Aww, poor Snape. *:(*

KINGSLY'S PATRONOUS! :( I loved in the book how it just came into the wedding, said "The Ministry has fallen" then dissipates, while seconds later the wedding is attacked. I didn't like the show of it that the movie had. While it made a point, I like how I didn't really realize what that had meant until they were attacked. The movie just kind of told you "Hey this is really bad, right now." without the shocking "What?" first. I don't know, I think it's little things like that that get to me, instead of big ones. :D

The coffee place. LMAO.
*Hermione orders a cappuccino*
RON: What she said.
HARRY: The same.
ME: As Ron: "I want PUMPKIN JUICE!"
KAILA: He's too wizard for this.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione polyjuiced as ministry workers was hilarious. The whole time I was laughing so hard. "Hermione" look terrified half the time, while "Harry" was all wide-eyed, and... RON! OH lordy. It was great!

Kaila kept making me laugh whenever Rufus was on screen cracking vampire jokes.
KAILA: as Rufus "We will win this war, let me call my vampire coven."
ME: as Rufus/Viktor "Come Selene."
KAILA and ME: *cracks up*

Bad ass Neville. It really got me all hot and bothered. Yummmmm. :D Neville=Fav character.

Ron the whole movie just got me. I love him and I love his actor.

Where was Potterwatch?! :( I was waiting on it, making comments about it and THEY NEVER SHOWED IT! :(

(here's where I'm going to stop mentioning a lot. I'm getting sidetracked a bit)

Harry and Hermione's dance. I loved it. It really almost made me tear up a bit. I've always seen Harry and Hermione as really close and very "Brother-sisterly" and Harry knew Hermione missed Ron so much, and thye both needed to be a little more lighter for a moment. Just seeing them find just a little light together in those dark moments made my heart almost break. I didn't let myself see H/Hr, and it's not because I really don't like that pairing. :D

WASN'T WORMTAIL SUPPOSED TO DIE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! I wanted to see that so bad, but noooooo.

At first I was kind of disappointed no Crucio happened to Hermione (not because I wanted her to hurt or anything, I just liked the "typical Bella torture" of it you know?) but then I saw mudblood carved on her arm, and got chills. It was a nice touch.

Draco... how I love him. That's all there is to say about that.

DOBBY! I cried in the book when Harry buried him and what Harry did afterward (I can't remember that well, though what it was) but when Dobby was saying things about "friends" I cried. I was never a total Dobby fan, but I liked him enough. This movie just made me LOVE him. :D And Kreature too, despite Kreature being... himself. XD How threatening would Three 17 years olds and two house elves be? I found it super funny. XD

Naked scene!
*Evil!HarryHermione Kissing*
ME: They're kissing! Why are the Kissing? They're naked! Why are they NAKED?!
I didn't really realize they didn't have clothes until I actually said it. XD
Evil!Harry (to me) looked hotter than regular Harry. Weirddddddd. :D

I wished there was more Grindle. I love the young actor that played him though. Mmmm.

I think that's it for now. :D There's probably more, but I'm a bit sidetracked as it is. haha. Over all AMAZING movie.

I'm not having this friends only, and I'm not going over it to check of grammar and spelling, even when I know there's BOUND to be mega errors in this things. :D haha.

GO WATCH HP7pt1 "Deathly" if you haven't seen it yet! It won't let you down, I promise.

Love,
Turdlock

P.S. LOVE fanfiction. :D And this icon, look at it and LAUGH!

http://forums.fictionalley.org/park/showthread.php?s=&threadid=145794
I don't have a account on fictionalley and I don't really want one. Sorry?

This is for Albus Severus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy and the pairing of them together.

Which Houses do we think that they will end up in? Same House or different?
I think same house. I can totally see Albus going into Gryffindor, but, I just feel that he was named after two of the most underhanded people in the books, even if one of them was a Gryffindor. And, damnit, it's just justice, since Harry refused to be put in Slytherin. :( And Scorpius, bless him and his father, probably wouldn't go to any other house than Slytherin. Draco can be reformed all he wants to, all that family pride isn't just going to go away, you know. Scorpius, while in my opinion, won't be growing up with the view Draco grew up with, will still want to uphold his family's "honor" and go into Slytherin like every other Malfoy. And his mother. While Albus will probably think something along the lines of "Dad said it wasn't bad to be a Slytherin, and the hat thinks it's a good idea, and James is an idiot."

Is AS/S "easier" if they are both in Slytherin? Do you prefer them to be in the same house?
Who says they won't both be in Hufflepuff? XD I admit seeing Draco open a letter from his son saying "I got sorted into Gyffindor, Kthksbai!" is amusing to me. But, yeah, it's kind of easier. I just don't think they would have become friends otherwise. They have their parents history hanging over them and without the closeness of House, I just don't think they would bother with each other, beyond some friendly Quidditch rivalry and halfhearted House rivalry. But what do I know? :D

Do you feel Scorpius will call him Albus Severus?
Nahhhhh. I can totally see Albus letting only his parents and Scorpius call him Albus, while making every one else call him Al. And when they become friends, Draco will always call him Albus, which will piss Albus off all the time and cause Harry unfathomable humor. I just see it happening.
Draco Grunts. "Potter, Scorpius want's Albus to stay over for a week during the summer."
Harry smirks. "That's fine Malfoy, but we're going to a Quidditch match the first week in July and Al wanted Scor to come."
Scorpius sighs.
Albus turns Weasley red and whispers to Scorpius. "What does you father have against nicknames? And why are they talking like we're not even here? They know we hate that."
Harry and Draco pointedly ignore that they are sharing smirks for the same exact reason.
Yeah, I'm loser.

So...your thoughts on AS/S and why you like it. For the LOLZ? Or for the ship?
Totally for the ship. They have the potential to be so much more than Harry and Draco could have. Albus a little more Slytherin and calmer/calculating than Harry, with just as much stubborn will and passion. While Scorpius has all the class of Draco, without the pureblood lunacy (not that he won't respect purebloods, he just won't want death to all muggleborns. ;D) and without the wand shoved up his ass. All the good things, with a little less of the bad, and still with that delicious Potter/Malfoy forbidden love. Basically a little more Harry in Scorpius and a little more Draco in Albus. :D

How have your view of AS/S changed over time?
At first it was mostly a substitute for H/D, while still having Albus born. (Albus S. Potter is one of my favorite characters, I tell you.) But now, I love the depth that I've thought about them. It's just so... lovely. We're all basically guessing on their personalities, Scorpius's especially, and the way they've come together in my head puts them wonderfully together. :D

Do you like the pairing more or less than when DH first came out?
I barely even thought about it when I first read the epilogue. I mean, I was like "I hope they become best friends forever!" but I didn't think Romantically about anyone. haha. But then my H/D fangirl pointed out that I could have the best of both worlds. Albus could still be born, and I could still have my Malfoy/Potter love.

Are you interested in all next-gen pairings or just AS/S?
Eh, mostly just AlScor. But there's a Teddy/OFC fanfic that I like, even though it's not even counted as a pairing in the story... Yet. ;) Or in AUs, like Backwards with Purpose: The Book of Albus, JamesII/Sirius's Daughter. :D It makes me warm inside.

What pairings do you ship along-side AS/S?
Oh darn. HD (High Definition Slash), R/Hr, H/G (only if it's told really well), Remus/Sirius, Remus/Snape, Snape/James (I know! I'm a bad girl), Dumble/Grindle, and that's all that I'll "awww" at, though there are others that I tend enjoy every now and then.
And just for the hell of it I'll list some pairing that I can't stand... Dramione, H/Hr, Draco/Ginny, Lily/Snape (I think Severus is lovely for still loving Lily, but I can't stand them together), Rose/Scorpius, Snape/Hermione, Lucius/Anyone but Narcissa, Fred/George, Harry/Cho, Harry/Misc.Deatheater, and that's the only ones that will pretty much completely turn me off of a story. haha. More than I thought.

I'ma fangirl. Sue me. :D

NOT FRIENDS ONLY BECAUSE I WANT TO SHOW OFF MY PRETTY NEW ICON. Sytherpuff FTW!

Love,
Turdlock

Naruto Quiz Thing! Label your own 1-12 fav characters, then answer the questions. Why yes I AM just doing this because I'm bored.

1. Naruto
2. Minato
3. Sasuke
4. Itachi
5. Kakashi
6. Jiraiya
7. Tsunade
8. Kyuubi
9. Gaara
10. Karin
11. Juugo
12. Shikamaru

1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven (Jiraiya/Juugo) fanfic before?

No. But holy crap that would be hilarious and slightly crakish.

2) Do you think Four (Itachi) is hot? How hot?

Oh, yes, yes. He owns me.

3) What would happen if Twelve (Shikamaru) got Eight (Kyuubi) pregnant?

LMAO. This sounds remarkably like some MPreg fanfics out there. XD Kyuubi'd probably eat Shika before the guy could get HIM (cause Kyuubi's a MAN DAMNIT!) pregnant. And Shika would think it's too troublesome.

4) Do you recall any fics about Nine (Gaara)?

Yes I do! It was a really lovely story, actually. :D

5) Would Two (Minato) and Six (Jiraiya) make a good couple?

Haha, there's probably fanfics out there of that pairing, lord knows there's some with Naruto and J-man. But, meh, I don't think they'd make a good couple. An okay couple, but I'd rather have Minato with either me or Kushina. ;)

6) Five/Nine (Kakashi/Gaara) or Five/Ten (Kakashi/Karin)?

Kakashi and Karin, I guess, since KakaGaa just doesn't appeal to me in any way. (And my friend would kill me for putting them together.)

7) What would happen if Seven (Tsunade) walked in on Two (Minato) and Twelve (Shikamaru) having sex?

She's totally take pictures for later and then walk out. But, also, let me say that... EEWWWW THEY SHOULD NOT BE A COUPLE AT ALL!!!!

8) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten (Sasuke/Karin) fanfic.

Out of all the Sasuke pairings this could have been it had to be Karin didn't it? Gah.

So... Sasuke comes to destroy Konoha and, you know, avenge his little blakc heart out, but ends up getting locked up in a cell right next to Karin's. Karin starts just talking to Sasuke and Sasuke eventually ends up falling for her. Yeah, my inner yaoi fan is sobbing her heart out right now.

Summary: Failing at finally getting his revenge, Sasuke learns that maybe obsession is contagious, and wishing on stars might just be a reliable way to get what you want. Or poison.

9) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight (Naruto/Kyuubi) fluff?

LMAO. No, I doubt there would be. I mean, people have tried, but not without sacrificing a bit of their characters. But this pairing is kinda sexy, if, ya know, Kyuubi is in a human form, cause if not that's just bestiality.

10) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve (Tsunade/Shikamaru) Hurt/Comfort fic.

...Eesh. Okay: "Queen and Pawn" Yay, I even felt my heart jump at that idea, which is pretty freaking vague. Not going to write it, though.

12) Does anyone on your friends list read Three (Sasuke) het?

Kaila would read SasuSaku, if she read Naruto fanfiction. No one else really likes it. But, yeah, I'm the only yaoi fangirl in my group of friends.

13) Does anyone you know writes or draw Eleven (Juugo)?

Nope. I don't know anyone personally, and even not personally, I don't really know anyone. I haven't seen many fanarts/fanfics of this guy. :(

14) Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five (Minato/Itachi/Kakashi)?

No... But... that's a hunk of fucking hottness right there. I mean, they could just sit next to each other and I'd get all hot and bothered. But, romance is a little iffy. I couldn't read them in love, but I could look at them all day. Rawr.

15) What might Ten (Karin) scream at a moment of great passion?

She'd probably scream Sasuke's name, even if it wasn't Sasuke. ;) Of, if she's with Suigetsu, then she's yell "bastard" really passionately. Kinda like how Naruto would do with Sasuke. ;)

16) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight (Kyuubi), what song would you choose?

Hmm... This is hard. Probably, "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" by who ever sings that lovely song. But if we're going for emotional then a different song, but still very hard. :D

17) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve (Naruto/Jiraiya/Shikamaru) fic, what would the warning be?

Hehe. Warning: Jiraiya, Slash, Crack, more crack, character death. (Because we all know someone would kill someone else if this pairing ever made it's self with all the character's intact.)

18) What would be a good pick-up line for Ten (Karin) to use on Two (Minato)?

"You have lovely chakra, and you are strong. Will you have my children?" And then I'd have to attack Karin for trying to take my man. *cough* Sorry, Kushina's man. Fun Fact: I have actually seen this pairing. Totally.

19) How might Eleven (Juugo) describe a relationship between Two (Minato) and Eight (Kyuubi)?

*grunt* "Volatile Relationship." *shrug* Yeah, that's Juugo. :D We're lucky we got that out of him. Also, this pairing is lovely, but I doubt it would even be written right. *sigh*

20) How emo is Seven (Tsunade)?

She has her moments. (AKA the years she spent drinking herself away), but she's not as emo as some in this manga.

NOT FRIENDS ONLY BECAUSE I AM AWESOME!